Is that right?

Saw a news poster on a street pole today that said "The world wants Obama". Gee, not long ago the world wanted Osama - and were prepared to pay good money for someone who could get him.

It's not that I don't like Obama. No, really - I don't even know the bloke. But with the world slowly unravelling, wouldn't it make sense to have a strong leader at the helm of one of the world's superpowers? Hell, I like self help books as much as the next person, but to have a walking, talking one in the oval office would be downright scary.

The first clue should have been the endorsement by Oprah. Any endorsement by Oprah means "schlock" . . . gooey, touchy-feely, perhaps motivational - but, like the lose-it-quick diets she endorses - may be hazardous to your health.

I won't even start on why it would take someone over 20 years to discover his metor is a dingbat - and then still defend him. I just smile wryly at a politician who wears his flag on his lapel when he's addressing the most patriotic of US workers, and takes it off for crowds like his wife who have "never really felt a part of" the American way. What really did it for me was a little thing. One sentence. The one that he shouted to the people of Philidelphia: "We're going to change the world!"

K, Barak . . . come on over. We could use some change. American small change, in fact, which is worth seven times here what it is in your country. Come and change the fact that thousands of black people have just been rendered homeless in South Africa by other black people. Go to England and change the fact that every day some kid kills some other kid in a brutal stabbing or shooting or plain old yobbo beating. Take a trip to Myanmar and change the lives of all those who are also homeless and starving. C'mon, fella - you're the one who is going to change the world!

See, it's not the sentiment that gets me. It's lovely, sweet - very Oprah. It's the follow through that so many Americans appear not to have thought about. How, exactly, Senator, are you going to change America and change the world? Game plan, Bud. Give us a game plan.

It's a sad state the world is in when we're so desperate to have someone else come in and fix our personal issues that we're willing to vote for anyone who promises change. We don't care that he has no plan, no real means of changing the world. Just please change it. Quickly!

See, I have a plan that would change the world. Just as football clubs can buy the best players from anywhere around the globe and have them play for England or Brazil, I think we should be able to buy politicians. And don't tell me they're not for sale.

I'd buy the Clintons for the South African government. I'd buy Condy Rice and make her Minister of Health, since ours is a dingbat. I'd put up some money for a few of the Scottish MPs because they're grumpy and straightforward, and I'd buy Bertie Ahern because he's lovely and has that fabulous Irish accent. Finally, I'd buy Kalkot Mataskelekele , the President of Vanuatu, currently ranked number one on the Happy Planet Index. (I know, I also had to Google the country. But it appears to be happiest country to live in outside of Disneyland.)

Now, Mr Obama, that's how you change a country - and the world. Start by acknowledging those who have been around longer than you; those who have a game plan; those who take seriously their countrymen's desire to live happily and peacfully. But remember, like you, I'm not always right.